Sunday, October 23, 2011

Ponder This: Charles Woodson is a Dangerous Man

Charles Woodson is a dangerous man. Ax-murderer dangerous. Shackles and leg irons dangerous. Hide your women and children. Especially of you are a rookie quarterback starting your first NFL game.

And so the Vikings shiny new quarterback Christian Ponder came out pretending he was a gun-slinger and helped give his team the lead for most of the first half. But then he tried to sell his act to the wiley Woodson. Result? Ponder can add himself to the list of those NFL quarterbacks humiliated and victimized by Charles Woodson. As Woodson takes another bow.

But Woodson did not win this game alone. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers exhibited a nearly perfect game. Andrew Cobb decided to stop playing for the Vikings and join in the Packers efforts instead. Closing pitcher James Starks came in relief of Ryan Grant and dug the knife deep with some wicked, punishing running late in the game.

Though the Vikings proved once again that records do not matter in the NFC North and made it interesting, the Packers generally dominated the second half and, most importantly, once again found a way to win.

The Vikings tried passing the ball, running the ball, and even kicking Packer players in the groin, but Green Bay overcame Jared Allen, Adrian Pederson, and the referee's poor call on a Clay Matthews roughing the passer- that wasn't.

But the Packers are still not playing 'well,' or up to their potential; they have a lot of room for improvement. Perhaps if Dom Capers will dial up some pressure on the opposing team's quarterback here pretty soon, it won't put so much pressure on Green Bay's injury-riddled defensive backfield.

Regardless, once this unbeaten team starts rolling, they are going to be a pretty darn good football team.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Pack Spams Rams

The Acme Meat Packers did what meat packers do yesterday against the visiting St. Louis Rams - they killed them, cut them up and canned them.

Though some may call rams big game, it was the meat packers Aaron Rodgers who had a big game at the big game at Lambeau Field in Green Bay. Rodgers, the Packers .12-gauge, was merciless to the Rams as he delivered one deadly shot after another in the second quarter. It helped that Al Harris was on the visiting team - all Jordy Nelson had to do was imitate Plaxico Burris and Harris obliged by getting burned for a 90+ yard Packers passing play for a touchdown. One had to think Jordy must have felt like he was sitting on top of the world as he paused there on the rail during his ensuing Lambeau Leap to drink it all in.

Nelson has an outstanding Lambeau Leap, which, you will remember, is much better than Aaron Rodgers' Lambeau Leap...Rodgers Lambeau Leap still sucks. But as long as he keeps dishing the touchdown passes to Nelson, Driver, Jones, Jennings and Finley, we won't complain.

Decked out in their brown helmets and pants, and navy and yellow jerseys which get better looking with each win, the meat packers also shot down all attempts by the Rams to get into the end zone. Though allowed to graze almost at will on the other parts of the green Lambeau turf, the Rams just couldn't butt their way through when the Packers defense got stubborn near the goal line. PackSmack speculates that the meat packers were just letting the rams fatten themselves up on the nutrient-rich Lambeau grass to make better ram spam at the end of the day. If so, that would be a real caper by, er, Dom Capers. But let's hope that the season closes soon on such generosity by the Packers defense.

Also memorable was some punishing blows delivered by the meat packers .44 magnum, James Starks, who seems to have as big of heart as Ryan Grant and maybe a little more power. As the explosiveness of the .44 magnum is legendary, so Starks is starting to become known for packing a hefty portion of gunpowder when he slams through the line and through the defense.

And .50 cal A.J. Hawk also did some unforgettable damage as he blasted his way through everything Ram and destroyed the St. Louis quarterback. Together with Clay Matthews, 52, these dual weapons might be called 'Ma Deuce,' the twin fifties. And when they get sacks, Matthews can hold up his index finger, while Hawk can continue to hold up the other half of the peace sign, the finger he likes to hold up.

So what's on the menu this week? Plenty of Ram Spam. And cheese.

Compliments of the Acme Meat Packers.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Green Bay Burns Atlanta

It was sort of like the Civil War. You know, the Confederate Army looks for a fight, then does some damage like at the battle of Manassas. Well, the Atlanta Falcons did just that as they dominated the first half of the game against the visiting Green Bay Packers, reigning NFL Champs.

Perhaps the Falcons were still bitter about the crushing they received in the NFC playoffs courtesy of the same Packers. Regardless, they came out and blasted out two touchdowns on their first two drives. While Green Bay had nothing. Except the will to find a way to win.

And then things got worse for the Packers as their only healthy offensive tackle, Chad Clifton, went out with an injury. The Packers were suddenly left to bring in pass protection packages which left few slots for receivers.

But just as the Union Army began to turn the tide of the war with swift moves at Gettysburg, Green Bay struck hard with a quick score as James Jones hauled in an Aaron Rodgers pass and did the rest himself. It wasn't long after when Greg Jennings out-hustled Atlanta defenders and sliced his way into the end zone and suddenly the Packers had a solid lead.

Meanwhile, as in the Civil War where General Sherman marches his Union troops into Atlanta and burns it to the ground, the Packers defense had figured out how to stop the Falcons and the team then enforced their will the rest of the way.

PackSmack thinks that Green Bay's Jermichael Finley ought to spend less time on practicing his celebrations for the rare occasions when he does catch a ball thrown to him, and more time on focusing on actually catching it.

Aaron Rodgers played great football. James Jones and Greg Jennings played full-throttle football. The Packers offensive line and running backs played gutsy football. And the defense played inspired the second half.

But the game ball has to go to coaches McCarthy and Capers. These guys were the genius behind a difficult game to win. But together, and with a patient, talented team, they found a way.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Packers Soar - Broncos Can't Keep Up

The Denver Broncos are not a horrible team; they just brought their horses and their horsepower to an event at Lambeau Field where the Packers play on jet fuel. And the results showed as much.

With Green Bay's quarterback Aaron Rodgers delivering air-bombs to all his favorite receivers for touchdowns and rushing for two more, the Broncos found that they simply could not compete.

Effective runs by James Starks and multiple gains in the short passing game set up the Broncos defense for Rodgers' pin-point down field passes. The Packers offense was flying high in all areas of the game, playing at an altitude far above the mile-highers, and putting up a convincing 49 points.

Their defense also showed up to play, shutting Denver's run down early leaving the Broncos fate in the hands of Kyle Orton and his talented receivers. Orton did do some damage and Green Bay's pass coverage did yield yards and points. But the defense not only giveth, they also taketh away. Making more turnovers than Sara Lee, they really contributed in getting Rodgers and the offense back onto Lambeau turf. Charles Woodson's early interception was just the start. Soon everyone was in on the action, getting picks, picking up fumbles or recovering onside kicks.

This game was lopsided, and the Broncos were as out of place on this field as Budweiser's Clydesdale's would be on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier.

And though Aaron Rodgers' Lambeau Leap really sucks, the Green Bay Packers are a very good football team. The sky's the limit.