Friday, February 15, 2008

Patriots Win a Title: 'Most Hated'

The New England Patriots have been declared 2007-2008's Most Hated Team in Football by a majority of voters in PackSmack's first annual inscrutable scientific poll. Gathering 54% of the hate vote, the ill-will about the cheating organization seems convincingly wide-spread.

A deeper look into the vote reveals even more when the Patriots competition is considered. In order to win the title of The Most Hated Team in Football, New England had to actually be hated more than the despicable Dallas Cowboys and the low-life Chicago Bears. That is some pretty stiff competition. But New England was up for the task.

The Cowboys were only able to garner 19% of the vote, which is disproportionate to the level of scorn their annual arrogance actually arouses in fans from other teams. So once again, the Cowboys are disappointing.

And though the Chicago Bears mustered a mere 25% of the overall hate votes, this in no way should be indicative that their place at the very bottom of the universal food chain has changed. It has not. In terms of class and order, plankton is still echelons above them. Perhaps, rather, it was a case of mercy and a testimony to the personal character of the voters in that they did not want to kick the poor Bears when they were down. What's the point, right? (Besides obligation, natural order, compulsion and the communication of true cheesehead family values to future generations, and all.)

Or perhaps it was more like the Bears played so badly this year that many people forgot that they were in the NFL. Kind of like they were so insignificant as to have lost their place in the minds of football fans. It seems from the voting that that fans welcome the thought of there not being a Chicago; it is a pleasant thought indeed.

We think, though, that even though the Bears did not win the Most Hated Team in Football this year, that they could wear the title, Most Hated Team in Football, Runner-Up. That would give them something to make hats and t-shirts out of since things like NFC North Division Champions and the like are already taken. Or perhaps they could consolidate this past year's accomplishments with the voting results and make a motto something like, 'Humiliated, Hated and Worthless,' or 'Delivering Another Year of Futility and Ire,' or 'Wasting Everybody's Time Once Again.' We think such slogans are worthy and appropriate and encourage the Bears to adopt the one that fits.

But as for the Patriots, they are the hands-down winner this year. They are The Most Hated Team in Football. Such a title does not happen by accident. It is earned. And it is in sharp contrast to the titles that New England fans were themselves giving to their team such as, 'The Greatest Team Ever,' and other laughable nonsense. Hard not to chuckle now, isn't it? Go ahead, laugh out loud, loud enough for the big-mouths in New England to hear you. Of course that wouldn't have to be that loud because it is pretty quiet up there these days. Why just the other day a pin dropped and they could hear it all the way down to the Meadowlands.

In fact the only other sounds being made up in that region are the repeated noises of Ted Kennedy incessantly kissing Barak Obama's back side. Yeah, Kennedy must figure that this is his last and only shot at becoming Vice-President, and is working pretty hard to suck up to the Democratic front-runner. When you think about it, it is kind of appropriate, isn't it? Kennedy from Massachusetts = New England Patriot fan and Obama from Illinois = Chicago Bears fan. That would make it a Patriot-Bears ticket.

And we already know from our PackSmack poll how people feel about these teams.

My money's on McCain; by a landslide.

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