Friday, September 14, 2012

The Bears Suck on Thursdays Too

You know why Jay Cutler wears jersey number six? Because that's how old he acts...when he isn't acting like he's three. Like the rest of the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field on Thursday night, he totally sucked.

His sniveling and whining to his offensive linemen was shameful, and at one point he even bumped into his left tackle on the sidelines to express his disgust. The poor lineman, a guy 6'5" plus, and 300 plus, should have crushed baby Cutler like a Dixie cup.

And when he wasn't devouring his own team mates for being imperfect, he was tossing picks to the Green Bay defense. Cutler had more picks than a czar-seeking Obama would make at a Communist Party convention. If Lambeau had been giving out free hotdogs for every Cutler interception, there wouldn't be a cow left in the Dairy State.

And why does Clay Matthews wear jersey number fifty-two? Because that's about how many times he sacked Cutler. Matthews, certainly playing inspired football so far this year, was ferocious, unstoppable and was in Cutler's grill like hamburgers in B.J. Raji's Weber.

So often was Cutler being punished by a charging Matthews, that he will likely have nightmares about it all weekend; and by Monday, in Cutler's mind, Matthews sack total will probably be up to about a thousand. By then Cutler will be more willing to date Democratic hag Nancy Pelosi than to take a snap opposite a snarling Clay Matthews. (But, please don't think about that Pelosi-Cutler scenario very long, for there are limits to the amount of horror a human imagination can handle. But it would be a good debate about which individual was slumming more...)

As for Green Bay's offense, it was nice to see that Mike McCarthy could call a play other than 'give it to Randall Cobb.' In fact the Packers seem to have the peach fuzz of a running game emerging. Cedric Benson stayed on his feet long enough that we could see he has a juke or two left in him, which also helped in the play action passing game.

Aaron Rodgers played well, but was not as sharp as we have come to expect him to be, missing crucial throws by inches and tossing a few to the Bears. It was no help that some of his receivers seem to forget that their job is to actually catch the ball instead of simply touching it.

But besides Tramon Williams' multiple-interception evening, and Mathews' memorable sack-attack, my favorite play of the game was when Rodgers found number 80 in the end zone! Donald Driver isn't seeing much playing time, but it is fitting that when he gets in there they dial him up for a touchdown.

And he does seem to have an improved, finely-honed touchdown dance this year, doesn't he?

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