Monday, October 17, 2011

Pack Spams Rams

The Acme Meat Packers did what meat packers do yesterday against the visiting St. Louis Rams - they killed them, cut them up and canned them.

Though some may call rams big game, it was the meat packers Aaron Rodgers who had a big game at the big game at Lambeau Field in Green Bay. Rodgers, the Packers .12-gauge, was merciless to the Rams as he delivered one deadly shot after another in the second quarter. It helped that Al Harris was on the visiting team - all Jordy Nelson had to do was imitate Plaxico Burris and Harris obliged by getting burned for a 90+ yard Packers passing play for a touchdown. One had to think Jordy must have felt like he was sitting on top of the world as he paused there on the rail during his ensuing Lambeau Leap to drink it all in.

Nelson has an outstanding Lambeau Leap, which, you will remember, is much better than Aaron Rodgers' Lambeau Leap...Rodgers Lambeau Leap still sucks. But as long as he keeps dishing the touchdown passes to Nelson, Driver, Jones, Jennings and Finley, we won't complain.

Decked out in their brown helmets and pants, and navy and yellow jerseys which get better looking with each win, the meat packers also shot down all attempts by the Rams to get into the end zone. Though allowed to graze almost at will on the other parts of the green Lambeau turf, the Rams just couldn't butt their way through when the Packers defense got stubborn near the goal line. PackSmack speculates that the meat packers were just letting the rams fatten themselves up on the nutrient-rich Lambeau grass to make better ram spam at the end of the day. If so, that would be a real caper by, er, Dom Capers. But let's hope that the season closes soon on such generosity by the Packers defense.

Also memorable was some punishing blows delivered by the meat packers .44 magnum, James Starks, who seems to have as big of heart as Ryan Grant and maybe a little more power. As the explosiveness of the .44 magnum is legendary, so Starks is starting to become known for packing a hefty portion of gunpowder when he slams through the line and through the defense.

And .50 cal A.J. Hawk also did some unforgettable damage as he blasted his way through everything Ram and destroyed the St. Louis quarterback. Together with Clay Matthews, 52, these dual weapons might be called 'Ma Deuce,' the twin fifties. And when they get sacks, Matthews can hold up his index finger, while Hawk can continue to hold up the other half of the peace sign, the finger he likes to hold up.

So what's on the menu this week? Plenty of Ram Spam. And cheese.

Compliments of the Acme Meat Packers.

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