Monday, October 19, 2009

Why Can't We Play the Lions Every Week?

Sure we might miss out on a Super Bowl or two. And, yes we would never really know how good we were. But in some other parallel universe, wouldn't it be great just to play the Lions every week? At Lambeau?

I mean, we can give up an embarrassing amount of sacks, get more penalties than ACORN, establish NO run game, and still smoke our opponents. Isn't that a great thing?

It would be a little like pounding up on your little brother every week; or your sister. But we would know that we would win, no matter what.

I kind of wonder if Aaron Rodgers wasn't drawing pass plays in the dirt at Sunday's game at Lambeau. Or else he was saying to his stud receivers, "Just get open. The rest of you block." And then he'd drop back and just shred the Lions defensive backfield time after time. There were circus catches by Donald Driver, big gainers, touchdown passes, the obligatory half-dozen dropped passes and we blow the Lions away.

And just like your stupid kid brother who decides to fake a punt from his own 30-yard line, or something, the Lions were giving us more opportunities than Bill Clinton in his Governor's office. They let us in the red zone more often than Obama lets a radical freak have a White House czar position, and even though we couldn't do anything about it except kick a bevy of field goals, it was nice to be racking up points on the board.

As for Chad Clifton, I am pretty sure that I hurt his leg myself through telepathy or reverse osmosisizing extremely strong negative energy back through the television microwave signals...or maybe that was you. Or perhaps it was all of us together.

But if one player ever deserved to get pulled from a game and sit on the bench, it was Clifton. He drew more flags than Che Guevara at an Obama rally. And it was just as pitiful. No excuses for that kind of inattention, Chad. And if you weren't so monstrously big, I'd say that to your face. Be careful or you might get yourself traded TO the Lions!

Kudos to Donald Driver for earning the all-time Packer pass-catching title. Kudos to Aaron Rodgers for his precision passing. Kudos to the defense. Kudos to whoever let Aaron Kampman rush the quarterback for a change. And kudos to Ted Thompson for finally finding a team he can dominate even though his team always plays sloppy, inconsistent football.

And since Thompson already lives in an alternate universe, maybe he can make this dream come true and get the Lions back at Lambeau every week for the rest of this season, anyway. It sure would be fun.

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